Behind My Swollen Eyes

I wish you could hate me
At least then I'd have a reason to try and get over you
Instead I'm left jealous, conflicted, and in constant regret that we can't be together
I know part of you will always love him
I'm tired of pretending with myself that I deserve to be what he was to you.
I'm tired of telling myself I believe the reasons you gave me absolutely
It's made me doubt myself more than ever before.

I wish I could leave and be forgotten
Because every time I think of the nights we've shared and how I had to know if they really were to you what they were to me I lie to myself
Of course they weren't
Or else you'd be mine.

I'd be yours.
Just hate me