Alive... and not so well

Well as some of you know I have now progressed onto the first year of high school, at the beginning of this year I was admittedly shy or reserved as some would call it. Over the first few weeks my communication with anyone besides those of my classmates from previous years, this only changed when I met Sam. Sam is a guy so lola don't freak out its not a romantic story... Sam was the first I talked to outside my "bubble". This occurred on the first soccer game of the season (by the way all who don't know I made varsity soccer) and as we were driving home I confided to my buddy sam whom I had and somewhat still like. Being cool about it we immediately dropped into a long conversation and the 40 minute bus ride home seemed all to short. This girl was different, she was unique, beautiful, fun, intelligent, and... well she didn't know I existed. Obvious problem right well over the next few weeks I branched out and I met several other individuals whom I respect very much and whom I would be honored to be called a friend by, overall I had completely changed my attitude. Feeling pretty good I decided, its time to talk to her. Guys I am going to reveal our deepest secrets here so if you'd like to skip down to the end I'd appreciate it as to keep the resentment to a minimum. What was running through my mind was a infinite loop of  "What will she say, heck what will I say, how do I say it and what if I sound retarded saying it?" yes girls us boys... well we're not all we're cracked up to be. We are by no means confident its all a mask which we put on to make us look good, we do care or at least I do I feel every relationship should be the deepest it can. All the guys, me too I am going to be humble, try to make ourselves appear more than we are we try so hard to get your attention girls. Everything I know I do is in some way a hope to impress, in case none of you know I have skin problems or meaning  I'm not "hot" or "yummy" probably not even "good looking" in any of your books, that's just who I am. God made me like this for a reason and yes I'm saying this I know he has a plan for me. I've been trying to zone out all this vanity that is an unfortunate part of our everyday school lives, you may find as I have it's easy to see through all the lies we've bought into. In terms of guys I can tell you the opinions vary (funny right guys aren't as shallow as some regretfully say we ALL are) I can tell you I like to present myself in a good way aka I don't have my pants to my ankles and I don't wear graphic shirts with drug references on them, but as I've seen some do although I'm not entirely sure I think this is all a ploy too. Yes it's a way of self expression and yes it may be "how you feel" but ultimately my understanding of that is that individual thinks they are cool or have something to prove, most of this action essentially melts down to the feeling of insecurity. Yes that may be taken offensive to some but it is also both girls and guys hang out in gender segregated groups, this may also be some of human nature but it is also going back to the feeling of insecurity in which people think that to trust the opposite sex is the equivalent of death. Yes I have heard that from many guys and it is unfortunate I wish I could say I don't do this too but again I'm going to be honest with you. Using all this knowledge I have broken through all barriers that I set up for myself at the beginning of the year, this opened up many doors which eventually lead to me attending the Homecoming Dance. I can honestly say all that I was and all that I felt I danced ou at homecoming... yes imagine that guys dancing actually dancing and not giving a crap what anyone thinks. Well it looks like another guy rule shot straight out of the sky, many people commented on my dancing and I haven't yet heard someone shun me for it (not even the loser of the dance off I won lol). I was me guys, no walls, no I'm too cool crap, no dancing is for losers, no excuses imagine that. Well its time for dinner I will be back too finish this later, and I may elaborate upon the story of "her" so don't judge me in the mean time. BTW I DID NOT EDIT THIS DON'T CORRECT ME ON GRAMMATICAL ERRORS.